It’s not your imagination—making friends at work is harder than it used to be (or, for those just entering the workforce, more difficult than it was for your parents or older siblings).
There are several reasons for that, addressed below. And there are a number of steps leaders can take to make their workplaces more conducive to forming friendships.
The bigger question is whether employees should try to make friends with work colleagues. The answer is one of those “yes, but” situations.
While strong workplace relationships improve employee wellbeing and engagement, office friendships also entail potential risks and pitfalls. This blog post will explore and explain how team leaders, HR professionals, managers, and employees can avoid those risks and pitfalls and establish healthy workplace dynamics by setting realistic boundaries.
Why Defining Workplace Relationships Matters
Workplace friendships exist within a complex ecosystem of professional responsibilities, power dynamics, and organizational goals. Unlike personal friendships, which develop naturally based primarily on mutual interests and compatibility, workplace relationships are initially formed through professional proximity and necessity.
When the boundaries between work and personal friendships become blurred, a range of challenges can emerge, including role confusion, lower productivity, personal conflicts, and complicated power dynamics (more on these risks below).
To be clear, this doesn’t mean workplace friendships are a bad idea. According to Business Journals senior reporter Andy Medici on the “secret sauce” of boosting employee morale and retention:
“Companies that want to boost workplace morale and retention should work on fostering office friendships…
“‘Genuine friendships between co-workers is the secret sauce to establishing a workplace culture that’s not only defined by collaboration and teamwork, but also by authentic engagement, a deep sense of care and respect, and – maybe most underappreciated — fun,’ said Sandy Torchia, KPMG U.S. vice chair of talent and culture…
(Furthermore) “one in four workers feel their company is not focused on activities and events that lead to the development of close friendships, and 40% (say) their company should promote friendships through activities like holiday parties and happy hours.”
The Friends at Work survey by KPMG LLP found that employees value “a concerted effort to have regular catch-ups to discuss both work and non-work-related topics as the most-effective way to establish and grow a workplace friendship,” along with participating in work events not directly related to their jobs (such as fun team competition and bonding activities); supporting co-workers’ personal goals, like running a marathon or learning new skills; and celebrating special occasions like coworkers’ birthdays and anniversaries.
Another article, from Inc. magazine on why workplace friendships are drying up, noted that, “research shows that work friendships lift employee happiness, and that can impact your profits,” while employees with “work best friends” are more engaged, more productive, and more enjoyable to work with—all of which helps boost organizational performance.
What’s most important for leaders to encourage and employees to practice is recognizing boundaries between their work and personal lives, so they can form friendships that won’t run the risk of workplace conflicts and misunderstandings.
Are Coworkers “Real” Friends or Just Work Friends?
Though work friendships increase employee happiness, the Inc. article notes that 53% of workers say they “actively avoid making close connections to colleagues because they prefer to keep their work life and personal life separate.”
It’s important to note that the distinction between “work friends” and “personal friends” isn’t about the authenticity or value of the relationship, but rather about its context and boundaries. Work friends are colleagues with whom we share mutual respect, common professional experiences, and enjoyable workplace interactions—but those relationships primarily exist within and because of the professional environment.
Work friendships typically center around shared professional goals, workplace challenges, industry knowledge, and career aspirations. These relationships can feature genuine camaraderie, humor, and support without necessarily extending into deeply personal territory.
You might enjoy lunch with work friends regularly, celebrate professional milestones together, or even attend occasional after-work events, while still maintaining appropriate professional boundaries.
Consider these examples: A work friend might congratulate you on completing a major project, but wouldn’t necessarily be someone you call during a personal crisis. You might discuss weekend plans with work friends, but not intimate relationship problems. You could seek career advice from a work friend, but you’d probably turn to personal friends for guidance on major life decisions not related to your professional life.
These boundaries don’t diminish the value of workplace relationships—they simply recognize the distinct purpose and context that workplace friendships serve in our professional ecosystem.
What Happens When Work and Personal Roles Mix
When the boundaries between work relationships and personal friendships become blurred, challenging situations can arise that can affect not only the individuals involved, but entire teams and even organizational culture. These entanglements create tension points where professional responsibilities and personal loyalties collide.
Consider what happens when a manager promotes a close personal friend over more qualified candidates, or when project assignments consistently favor team members within the same social circle. Even if decisions are made with legitimate professional justification, the perception of favoritism damages team trust and morale. Similarly, when employees who socialize extensively outside work form exclusive cliques, other team members may feel ostracized, causing collaboration to suffer.
Personal conflicts can also spill destructively into the workplace. Imagine two colleagues who are close friends having a disagreement during a weekend get-together. By Monday, that tension follows them to work, affecting their collaboration on a key project and creating an uncomfortable atmosphere for their entire team. What began as a personal issue now impacts professional outcomes.
The adage “coworkers are not your friends” doesn’t mean workplace relationships should be cold or transactional. Rather, it acknowledges that healthy professional relationships require different boundaries than personal friendships. You can enjoy your colleagues’ company, celebrate successes together, and create a supportive work environment while still maintaining the professional clarity that protects both parties and the broader organization.
Eight Reasons Why Coworkers Are Not Your Friends
The practice of forming close personal friendships among work colleagues is far less common today than it used to be, for a variety of reasons. As noted in the Inc. article referenced above, employees “no longer seek out friendships with their coworkers in the way they once did.” Quoting a New York Times opinion piece from Glassdoor’s chief worklife expert Adam Grant:
“Work was, once, ‘a major source of friendships…we took our families to company picnics and invited our colleagues over for dinner.’ But times have changed and now—’work is a more transactional place. We go to the office to be efficient, not to form bonds. We have plenty of productive conversations but fewer meaningful relationships.’ He pointed to data from 1985 showing about half of Americans said they had a close work friend, but by 2004 this was only about 30 percent of workers.”
Here are eight specific reasons why forming close personal relationships at work is challenging.
-
Remote and Hybrid Workplaces Aren’t Conducive to Friendships
With more employees working remotely at least part of the time, people spend less time face-to-face with coworkers in the office. That means fewer breaks or lunchtimes spent together and fewer spontaneous hallway conversations. Zoom meetings are fine for getting work done but aren’t ideal for forming close personal ties.
-
The Gig Economy is Isolating
Again per the Inc. article, a recent survey from Upwork “found more than half of Gen-Z workers were choosing freelance work over a ‘regular’ 9-to-5 job — a trend that by its very nature will affect workplace friendships.” Others are piecing together an income from multiple part-time jobs rather than full-time roles where turnover is less frequent and employees spend more time together.
-
Workplace Competition Can Undermine Trust
Even in full-time-in-the-office roles, the competition for promotions, resources, and recognition can create underlying tensions that make workplace friendships seem more fragile as well as more difficult to develop. This challenge can be compounded by bad leadership that reduces trust and fosters unhealthy competition among workers.
-
Workplace Conflicts Are Inevitable
Conflicts between coworkers are inevitable, but many employees have never been trained on the skills to keep disagreements on a professional level without negative emotion, causing disputes to spiral out of control. Fortunately, professional development workshops like our Conflict Resolution Training teach participants proven methods to manage issues and handle differences with respect and professionalism.
-
Coworkers Can Change Jobs Frequently
Per Inc. magazine, “the rise of remote work, and the sense of instability that comes from headlines about layoffs, as well as a general perception of higher job turnover, make it harder to forge workplace friendships.” Even in successful organizations, promotions and job transfers can make team assignments feel transient and unstable.
-
Oversharing Can Harm Professionalism
While authentic workplace relationships involve some personal disclosure, oversharing can significantly undermine your professional standing. When you regularly divulge intimate details about your personal life, relationship struggles, financial difficulties, or weekend escapades, colleagues are likely to feel uncomfortable—and may even begin to question your judgment and discretion.
-
Office Gossip and Politics Complicate Relationships
If oversharing about your own personal life is bad, revealing intimate or embarrassing information about others is even worse. Gossip destroys trust, making coworkers not only less likely to confide in you but even to seek your opinions or judgments about work-related issues.
-
Power Dynamics May Influence Relationships
Workplace hierarchies create inherent power imbalances that significantly complicate friendships between people at different organizational levels. When one person has authority over another’s performance evaluations, compensation, or career advancement, true reciprocity and authentic friendship becomes nearly impossible.
The situation is even more awkward in the event of a promotion where your friend suddenly becomes your boss—or you become theirs. The role shift creates discomfort for both parties. Managing a transition like this effectively requires honest conversations, clearly established boundaries, and perhaps even a mutual acknowledgment that the relationship must evolve to accommodate this new professional relationship.
Benefits of Healthy Work Friends
Despite the risks and challenges, workplace friendships are still valuable and can be mutually rewarding, as long as boundaries are respected and coworkers have a clear understanding of the distinctions between work friends and close, personal, “real world” friends.
According to an MSN article from Michael Doolin on how to tell if you’re well liked at work, in addition to improving performance:
“Having a team with strong connections can significantly impact productivity and morale. Camaraderie creates a work environment where workers feel comfortable sharing ideas, which can lead to greater innovation and problem-solving. Engaged, motivated, and effective employees are more likely to advance within the company.”
Friendly relationships at work can improve morale, foster collaboration, and increase job satisfaction. They can enhance employee wellbeing and mental health. What’s vital is for workers to understand how to set proper boundaries for workplace friendships, and for leaders to encourage and create an environment that supports the development of healthy team member relationships.
Setting Healthy Boundaries in Workplace Relationships
Boundaries in workplace relationships aren’t barriers to connection—they’re the foundation that allows professional relationships to thrive while protecting both parties. Clear boundaries preserve mutual respect, prevent misunderstandings, and ensure that workplace friendships enhance rather than hinder professional growth.
Encouraging and helping coworkers to develop strong, healthy relationships with coworkers builds high-performing teams. Without proper guardrails, work relationships can quickly become complicated territory that impacts performance, team dynamics, and career advancement.
Healthy boundaries help maintain objectivity in decision-making, preserve professional reputations, and provide clarity around expectations. They also protect emotional wellbeing by preventing the blurring of lines that can lead to employees feeling obligated, overextended, or taken advantage of in workplace relationships.
Here are 10 tips to help set appropriate boundaries for workplace friendships:
-
Keep Private Matters Private
As noted above, sharing intimate information about your spousal, romantic, or family issues, or your personal financial struggles, should be reserved for your closest non-work friends. Keep your conversations with work friends focused on your common work-related interests or at least less confidential subjects.
-
Keep the Workplace Focused on Performance Goals
While you don’t need to be a humorless, soulless automaton at work, your primary focus when talking with your supervisor or direct reports should be on achieving your team’s goals and objectives. Your disposition can help make the workplace enjoyable while still being task- and goal-oriented.
-
Avoid Favoritism by Being Equitable in Interactions
If you lead people, make sure your decisions are based on objective criteria that you can explain should the need arise. Seeing their coworkers rewarded for performance is motivating for employees. But any perception that the boss is “playing favorites” damages morale and trust.
-
Create Appropriate Social Opportunities
Team lunches, organized activities, or occasional after-work gatherings provide space for developing camaraderie without blurring professional lines.
-
Be Mindful of Context
Behavior appropriate during team-building activities might not be suitable for a client meeting. Recognize that different professional settings call for different levels of formality and personal disclosure.
-
Resolve Conflicts Professionally
As noted above, conflict resolution training helps employees at all levels to manage workplace disagreements more effectively, with professionalism and respect and without unnecessary emotion. Professional workshops like our Manager’s Guide to Business Coaching equip leaders at all levels to absorb feedback and communicate effectively one-on-one with their team members.
-
Create Physical and Digital Separation
Consider whether connecting with colleagues on personal social media makes sense for your situation. Many professionals find that keeping some platforms (like LinkedIn) for work connections and others for personal relationships helps maintain appropriate boundaries.
-
Practice Professional Communication
Even with workplace friends, maintain a level of professionalism in your language and tone, particularly in written communications that create a permanent record. Messages that could be misinterpreted without context are best saved for personal friendships.
-
Respect Time Boundaries
Be mindful about the frequency and timing of non-work conversations. While casual catch-ups build rapport, extended personal discussions during work hours can impact productivity and create resentment among other team members.
-
Lead by Example
Demonstrate healthy boundaries through your own behavior, particularly if you’re in a leadership position. Your approach to balancing camaraderie with professionalism in navigating workplace relationships sets the tone for others.
More Tips for Fostering Better Work Friendships
The tips above should be helpful in setting appropriate boundaries for friendships in the workplace. Here are a few more recommendations for nurturing strong workplace relationships without crossing any lines.
-
-
- Participate in team-building activities to foster connection. Fun team building events that combine friendly competition with collaboration—like Bridge to the Future or Momentum—are great for developing stronger workplace relationships. Charitable corporate social responsibility (CSR) events add emotional impact plus the satisfaction of giving back.
- Respect colleagues’ time, privacy, and space. Don’t let friendly check-ins get in the way of getting work done.
- Use breaks and lunches strategically to connect without disrupting work. A great, practical way to show that respect is making the most of break time and minimizing interruptions when colleagues are focused on work.
- Make your boundaries clear. Just as it’s best not to share personal information about financial or relationship struggles at work, avoid participating in those conversations when initiated by coworkers as well. It’s fine to excuse yourself and walk away; and for coworkers who miss the hint, it’s okay to say that while you value your workplace relationship, you just aren’t comfortable discussing certain topics at work.
- Keep shared goals at the center of conversations. Instead of getting into uncomfortable personal topics, focus on or redirect conversations related to making progress on team goals and objectives.
-
And here are four more helpful suggestions from Michael Doolin’s MSN article:
-
-
- Ask thoughtful questions. Doing so “demonstrates a desire to add value and be included in discussions. Ask questions and be keen to learn, whether that’s identifying shared interests or questioning internal processes to remove roadblocks and create opportunities.”
- Share the spotlight. “Passing on recognition to others in your team, even if it’s rightfully yours, can show a humble and generous attitude.”
- Make the coffee and help keep the break room clean. “Small things like making coffee and tea are seen as thoughtful gestures. They foster goodwill, showing you’re willing to contribute to the group’s comfort and camaraderie. It demonstrates that you’re a team player.”
- Show a sense of humor. Everyone likes to laugh, and a little humor can brighten the mood in the workplace. Just be careful never to tell a joke at some else’s expense or one that could be viewed as offensive.
-
Support the Right Work Relationships with Best Corporate Events
Team building programs from Best Corporate Events can help foster collaboration and effective workplace relationships without crossing into problematic territory. Because they are work-related but separate from the normal work routine, they provide an ideal opportunity and atmosphere for strengthening coworker relationships while enjoying “fun with a purpose.”
For example, corporate scavenger hunts get your team outdoors while challenging members’ problem-solving and time management skills. Murder mysteries and escape rooms offer a fun way to improve collaboration and decision-making capabilities. And CSR events like our unique Build-a-Guitar® and Kids Rock!™ programs combine a variety of challenges with teamwork to help worthy causes and nonprofit organizations.
While it’s important to recognize that “coworkers are not your friends” in the traditional sense, your “work friends” can nevertheless fulfill a vital role in the workplace. They make work more enjoyable and engaging. The best plan is to adopt a balanced approach to workplace relationships that creates a better workplace experience for you and those around you at work.
To explore how team building programs can be customized to meet your team’s specific goals while enhancing relationships among coworkers, contact Best Corporate Events and start a conversation with one of our expert program advisors.
